Can a break up actually be good for your health? For this weeks
#SexualBuzz, SheKnows.com shares health benefits of a break up: If
there’s one thing we’ve all heard about breakups, it’s that the recovery
process is going to be rough. That
anticipation
of rocky emotional terrain is a good reason why a lot of us choose to
ignore red flags (“It’s no big deal if he doesn’t know who the
vice-president is, right?”) or our gut feelings (“I can learn to be
attracted to him, right?”) and stick with guys who just aren’t right for
us. But what if breakups were actually good for us? What if kicking a
partner (long-term or not) to the curb was actually healthier than
sticking it out for the long haul? Great news: It’s true.
Happy woman after break up
Breaking up can make you a better Y-O-U
A study of 92 students done at the University of Minnesota in 2003
found that the subjects reported several types of personal growth after a
breakup, including more self-confidence and knowing better what they
want in a partner. "Once the relationship ends, we no longer need to
justify why we should be with the person, and this allows us to see some
things with more clarity," says Ty Tashiro, lead author of the study.
A Northwestern University study published just last month found that,
post-breakup, one's sense of self becomes confused. But being a little
lost for a while isn't necessarily a bad thing. "The specific change in
the content of 'who one is' could be, on some level, positive," says
study co-author Erica Slotter. "For example, becoming kinder after a
breakup would be a positive change to the self."
"Breakups are
often looked at as a time for to go in a new direction," says
Christopher Fagundes, Ph.D., a researcher in the psychology department
at the University of Utah. "People usually have more time on their
hands, and they often try to find ways to 'better' themselves with that
newfound time, and this is very healthy."
Physical and mental benefits of a breakup
Here are the top five physical and mental benefits you can look forward (yes, forward!) to after a breakup.
1. A CALMER YOU
One perk of not spending every spare second with your boyfriend? Having
time to find your happy place. Meditation is a great way to do that,
says Peter Strong, Ph.D., author of The Path of Mindfulness Meditation.
Find a time of day where you can be completely quiet and sit with your
hurt -- a mere 15 to 20 minutes a day should do the trick. "People say,
'I am feeling stressed because…" or 'I am feeling angry because…' There
is no such thing as 'because,'" Strong says. "You have complete control
and complete responsibility for how you feel. How you feel is not
related to what happens to you."
How to maximize the good stuff:
Use visualization techniques to focus. If feelings of post-breakup pain
crop up during your daily routine take a 30-second meditation break and
say this to the suffering: "Ah! I see you. Welcome!" or "I choose to
smile at you," Strong says.
2. BETTER EATING HABITS
It's
hard to resist pizza when he's already ordered one. "Women often
complain because they tend to eat the same amount as their boyfriend and
therefore gain weight," says nutrition expert Susan Mitchell, Ph.D.
"After a breakup, women can focus on their needs calorie-wise and
especially on portion sizes."
How to maximize the good stuff:
Choose foods to get you and keep you well. Foods with vitamin C (red
peppers, peaches — even baked potatoes), B-vitamins (brown rice and
whole-grain bread), and potassium (pineapple, spinach, or cherries) may
help offset stress, Mitchell says. "Get enough protein -- which many
women do not -- for healthy hair and extra sleep for overall body
maintenance," she adds.
3. A MORE FULFILLING LIFE
There's
no better time than now to reclaim your likes, dislikes, and goals. "Too
often, women in relationships put too much energy into their partner,"
says Marsha Lucas, Ph.D., a psychologist in Washington, DC. "[After a
breakup,] you might rediscover things about yourself that you might have
forgotten, and then you attract people who know who they are in the
world. You can then say, 'I like him, and I like me.'"
How to maximize the good stuff:
Give yourself a life quiz. "Ask yourself, 'What do I want to create?'"
Lucas advises. "If you start asking yourself what's next, you'll learn
to get back to yourself."
4. INCREASED PHYSICAL FITNESS
If
your relationship didn't leave much room for gym time, this is your
chance to pencil it back in. "A breakup might be the motivation for a
person to think more independently and start doing things she finds most
interesting," says Tommy Boone, Ph.D., co-founder of the American
Society of Exercise Physiologists. "Exercise has been demonstrated to
work as well in some cases as prescribed medication for depression and
anxiety."
How to maximize the good stuff:
Make silly
mantras work for you. Goofy sayings are okay, as long as they get your
hiney moving. "Think 'Just do it,' regardless of how stupid it sounds,"
Boone says. "Learn that you are important, and you need to take care of
yourself, and that you must develop the right habits and mental
reference to deal with daily events and life challenges."
5. CLOSER FRIENDSHIPS
Fewer couples' nights in means more girls' nights out: One of the
after-breakup plusses that subjects reported in the University of
Minnesota study was "improved platonic friendships."
How to maximize the good stuff:
The next time you bring a guy around, ask your friends' opinions (and
listen). "Your friends and yes, even your family can predict your
relationship future better than you can," Tashiro says. "The aggregate
opinion of close others leads to better predictions of how long it will
be until you break up and even how satisfied you will be in the future.
Asking their advice and opinions can provide some great opportunities
for insight."
A final thought
"If you can sit and hold the
feelings of worry and the fear of abandonment, the suffering will begin
to become malleable — allowing it to change and evolve to peace," Strong
says.
http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/815830/can-a-breakup-be-good-for-your-health-1
